This week is Carers Week, an annual campaign to raise awareness of caring, highlight the challenges unpaid carers face and recognise the contribution they make to families and communities throughout the UK. Caring is often a hidden responsibility and the COVID-19 crisis has robbed many carers of their usual support networks such as childcare, volunteers and extended family. My own son has special educational needs and requires 1:1 support at school. In my household, the overnight switch to home schooling has meant that we are now juggling two busy jobs and many hours spent helping him to access remote lessons and engage with online materials.
Personal experiences of caring
The carers networks at the Wellcome Trust, UCL and Wellcome Sanger Institute joined together for a timely discussion of the emotional cost of caring. Speakers included Dr Manolis Mavrikis (IOE, UCL) who shared his experiences of caring for his mother whilst juggling a full workload and home schooling children. Like many of us, they developed Zoom fatigue after a few weeks of attempting to keep in touch via video. They found that playing games together online gave them a better sense of togetherness. Personally, I’ve switched back to plain old-fashioned phone calls with my parents after many months of separation, just to make keeping in touch as simple and hassle-free as possible. We also share photos and videos on Google photos on a day-to-day basis so we all feel more included.
Dr Anna Middleton (Connecting Science, Wellcome Sanger Institute) shared her own personal experiences of the UK education and care systems and discussed how the helpful adaptations at work such as a Carers Grant have made a difference. She described how the skills she has learnt have fed back into her work, such as resilience and persistence! Her coping mechanism is to grow a thick skin against what other people think of how she juggles her different roles. She places huge value on both her professional role and her family life and is grateful for both.
Lia Chappell (Wellcome Sanger Institute) spoke about a different kind of two body problem, as described in her blog post ”My Postdoc and my dad’s dementia ”. She recommends taking a longer pause than usual when you ask how someone is – give them time to give an honest answer. Equally, you should hold back on the personal questions if the time or setting is not right. Lia said that she is happy to discuss why she may not be able to attend a particular conference for personal reasons, but not in front of a room full of people at a team meeting. Her tips for supporting carers during the current challenging times is the same as at any other time – look after the humans you know well, and keep chocolate ice-cream and Netflix to hand!
Coping with caring
Dr Georgina Charlesworth (UCL) is a chartered clinical and health psychologist. She discussed some of the research that underpins the role of a carer and its emotional cost. This research looks at the balance between different types of stressors relating to caring, whether these are direct (day-to-day caring duties) or indirect (reduced access to working outside the home). The impact of caring will be different for everyone and is a balance between the ‘burden’ of caring and the positive aspects. Whether this balance leads to distress or satisfaction will vary with the carer, the circumstances and probably day-to-day.
Coping mechanisms are key to balancing caring responsibilities with everyday life and Georgina described various coping strategies. A problem-focussed approach includes information gathering, problem-solving and organising. As a carer myself, this pragmatic approach is one that I feel very comfortable with. The second approach, emotion-focussed, which might include crying (yes, that is coping!), relaxation and confiding in others I personally find a lot harder to do. Other coping strategies can be relationship-focussed, such as empathising and negotiating compromise. A meaning –focussed approach is also possible, where a carer may adjust their goals, achieve acceptance or seek out faith and spirituality to support them.
The importance of support networks
Georgina reminded us that social relations and social support are proven to improve physical and psychological well-being for carers. This can include achieving social influence and social control. Many carers may find a sense of purpose in their caring role, which raises their self-esteem, as well as giving a feeling of belonging. I have met several carers who have adjusted their careers to become specialists in those areas of difficulty that overlap with their caring experiences. Without that personal experience, their careers may have taken a very different path. Joining a support network of similar carers can also give you a strong sense of having found a community that ‘gets you’ in ways that your other friendship groups may not.
Stress related growth can happen as result of taking on caring responsibilities. Post traumatic growth is in direct contrast to PTSD, where individuals do not benefit from their trauma, explained Georgina. This growth can lead to you feeling stronger, finding hidden abilities and skills and developing increased confidence to face new challenges. Your relationships may be improved and you might develop altered priorities and philosophies about the world – you start to see the world with different eyes.
Caring can make you older, wiser, stronger, kinder
In summary, Georgina concluded that caring is a complex situation that can have both harmful and beneficial consequences. In these very difficult times for all of us, caring roles aside, she described how grief, trauma and other difficult emotions can be opportunities for psychological growth. But, when caregiving takes us beyond our personal resources, we may need to accept the kindnesses of others (note to self!).
We should pay attention to those early signs of burnout or stress in ourselves and others – perhaps someone is overworking without being productive, missing deadlines they might otherwise meet or micro-managing. As I’ve already experienced myself, mutual aid thrives in the caregiving communities – it’s amazing how the person who does the most to help you at tough times is often the very person who is dealing with huge challenges themselves.
For more on these themes visit: http://empowered-conversations.co.uk/empowered-conversations-hosts-a-conversation-with/
KatieGee 